Better Be Super or DC is SCREWED!

Man of Steel opens
Friday June 14th

Once upon a time, comic book movies didn't come out every week. In fact, you wouldn't even know they existed. Then in 1978, Richard Donner made Superman: The Movie... and it was HUGE. Talk about a who's-who on the production side (Donner directing, Mario Puzzo on the story) and starring Marlon Brando? That's right. despite Marlon Brando's 20 minutes of screen time, he was the top billing over Superman himself Christopher Reeve. That didn't spawn more comic book movies (except a low budget Fantastic Four) until Warner Bros released Batman in 1989. That made more comics come out, but after awful results (like the Flash TV series) comic movies went away. It wasn't until X-Men came out in 2000 that Marvel broke through. Suddenly comic movies were everywhere and DC was second fiddle... as usual. Then DC started the Christopher Nolan Dark Knight series and broke box office records so much so that people forgot Bryan Singer's Superman Returns. This week, DC and Warner Bros releases their third incarnation of the Superman series. This time it's DC's biggest gamble and if it fails...DC will have a lot of problems.

Superman: The Movie was an enormous success in 1978.

Superman: The Movie was the lighthearted film that captured the essence of the hero that believed in Truth, Justice and the American way (still the lamest mantra). It's a film that made Christopher Reeve's career before horses were his kryptonite. Singer's Superman Returns paid an homage to the original series and inserted it as a sequel to Superman II. The results didn't work. The thought was that the story of Superman didn't needed to be covered again and that people would overlook the glaring plot hole of the kryptonite shard in Superman's side at the end. Kate Bosworth's Lois Lane was... okay and Brandon Routh certainly looked the part, but the movie lacked something and never gained momentum to a sequel. It certainly made audiences question if Superman can make a good movie.

Henry Cavill is the new Man of Steel.

The new wrinkle for DC started in 2008 from their rival Marvel Studios. When Marvel released Iron Man, the message became clear that the Marvel characters would interact- creating a Marvel Universe more than individual stories. A month after Iron Man's release, Tony Stark and S.H.I.E.L.D. made cameos in The Incredible Hulk despite different studios having rights to the characters. In 2012, Marvel's The Avengers smashed box office records and made executives at Warner Brothers/DC jealous. Now DC wants to create a Justice League movie, but they want to use the existing films and blend them into one. There's a huge problem with that idea: Green Lantern has a different tone from The Dark Knight. Nevermind that the Green Lantern FLOPPED like an NBA player, but that franchise appears mired in limbo while The Flash and Wonder Woman have been rumored to be production hell. The ridiculous idea of a Justice League movie will be covered in the future, but if Man of Steel fails or underperforms, the Justice League will be right next to Sin City 2 on the perpetual rumored list. Also what else does DC really have to make? Reboot Batman...again?

When you think of Superman villains,
you think General Zod?

Back to Man of Steel, of course it will be a box office smash as fan boys got raging boners once Christopher Nolan's name was associated, but like all recent reboots (Batman Begins & The Amazing Spider-man) Man of Steel introduces a secondary villain (General Zod) while shunning the main villain (Lex Luthor). You'd have to suspect that it will follow the same reboot formula (again will be discussed in a future article) of introducing the main villain but not focusing on him. Batman Begins showed the Joker card and Amazing Spider-man discussed Norman Osbourne at length. One reason to use this tactic: keep the focus on developing the hero and no need to FULLY develop the main villain since the secondary or little known villain will be dispatched quickly. That said, Nolan brought back the League of Shadows for The Dark Knight Rises with poor results.
The good news: Man of Steel is getting rave reviews so far, but just because critics like it doesn't mean audiences will. It's reasonable to think audiences will as they have been starved for a good Superman movie for over 30 years and waits to wash away Superman IV: The Quest for Peace. DC can only hope that this movie is truly as strong as Steel (the metal... not the Shaq movie).

TV Characters That Caused More Trouble Than They Were Worth

Every story of a hero has a friend or sidekick that just makes his (or her) job more difficult. It's not enough if you're trying to save the world from terrorists, evil machines, super-villains, mutants or trying to save the universe from big-creatures, but these characters always managed to make the job MUCH more difficult. Didn't you just wish these characters would just get aced and make the job easier? Actually one of them did...but no one cried.

Ed wasn't that annoying, but
certainly worth a slap.

Ed (Cowboy Bebop) - Ed is actually more useful than most of the characters on this list. She spoke pretty much nonsensical and was super-smart. She mooched a ride off of the Bebop crew with a remote control she made and never made too much trouble, but watching her was just annoying. One of the few characters that made you happy when she left the show in the third-to-last episode and even produced a slight reaction. The show was good with her and better without her.

Shut the f- up!!! Snarf! Snarf! 

Snarf (Thundercats) - Lion-O's nursemaid/guardian was shrill and annoying. He really didn't do much besides be...useless. Supposedly, there were good times, but they were few and far between. As a matter of fact, Lion-O didn't even want him around. If only other heros on this list had the same opinion.

Thanks for the Pizza, now the
hell out of the way!!!!

April O'Neil (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles) - O'Neil was usually a capable woman. An update on the Lois-Lane-type of investigative reporter first befriended the Turtles when she was assaulted by foot-soldiers of the Shedder, but that was not the last time she'd find trouble. In the quest to always find "the story", April would constantly get into trouble and need the Turtles to bail them out. In every aspect of the Turtles media, O'Neil was the damsel-in-distress, though just as bad as Master Splinter's frequent times being a hostage. She proved quite useful helping the Turtles get leads and alerting them of trouble as well as being a constant prisoner.

Dana was a good soldier...
and a complete idiot.

Dana Sterling (Robotech) - The bothersome behavior, voice and attitude of the leader of the Army of the Southern Cross' 15th squadron could make you puke. Whether it was being used as a "weapon" against the Zentraedi to show the beauty of life or something, or her falling in love with an enemy soldier (Zor Prime) and fighting for his rights- then asking him out on a date. In her disagreements with High Commanders, listening to her was as agonizing as admitting she was right. Truth is that she had several other annoying counter-parts, but since she was the leader, she's the worst.

As I wrote this, Duke
fell into another coma!

Duke (GI Joe) - Another leader of an elite band of soldiers that somehow caused more trouble than what he was worth. As much as Duke led the Joe's admirably, he was also captured frequently (5 times) or put into a coma (three times) and eventually had to be bailed out by the other Joes. Just for good measure, Channing Tatum's Duke is about to get aced next March when the sequel to GI Joe: Rise of Cobra comes out.

How many times did you wish
Pidge was killed? Hmm 100?

Pidge (Voltron: Lions) - Known as the smallest of the Voltron members, Pidge always tried to prove himself and always found trouble. He'd disobey orders, go off on his own, find the enemy... and get caught. If he'd be less of a dumbass, he'd realize that Voltron couldn't work without ALL FIVE MEMBERS. Even when the mighty robot warrior took a hit, his shrill scream probably pierced everyone's ear drums.

Great reporters can see
though a pair of glasses.

Lois Lane (Superman) - Investigative reporters are always the worst for heroes. They stick their noses in dangerous places and end up causing a problem. I'm pretty sure if Superman had another girl to choose from, he may have let her die. When has there ever been a time when Lane wasn't looking into a lead and got caught? Maybe twice in the 80 years of Superman stories. Didn't she win a Pulitzer Prize? She should be smarter than that. In the first handful of Superman movies, Lois was caught in an earthquake and stuck with terrorist at the Eiffel Tower or was it Niagra Falls. Either way, who had to bail her out? Yup, Superman. What would happen if one of those enemies had a green rock? Oh yeah, he's fucked. How could she not she through a pair of cheap glasses and see the man she's in love with? Lois Lane sets women back a hundred years every time on screen. Thanks Lois. 

As hot as useless, Kim Bauer was
kidnapped ALL THE TIME!!

Kim Bauer (24) - She was in as much trouble as she was hot...which is a 10 out of 10. The first season saw Kim kidnapped...twice. She was involved in a car cash, avoiding a murder-rap and used as a decoy in season 3 to get the key villain out in the open. She also got stuck in a cougar trap and had to be rescued by Johnny Chase. Her boyfriends (Chase and... um...Rocker Douche) lost limbs and her romantic pursuit of her kidnapper in season 1 led to her getting arrested. However, Kim had one moment that was cool. At the end of season 2, Kim was trapped in a walk-in closet with her murdering employer (played by Billy Burke) and was told by her father Jack to shoot him. Begrudgingly, she did. When she got back on the phone, Jack told her to shoot him again. A more cold version of her surfaced as she shot him again. Other than that, Kim was useless. No wonder why Elisha Cuthbert kept leaving the show.

This twerp had to be saved
by his cluesless kid!!!!

Spike (Transformers) - The human friend of robots from Cybertron was more like cement shoes than a helping hand. He got captured more than the French surrendered and other than screaming, was completely useless. There were times where he got out of trouble and then would fall right back into it. He was only member of the Transformers universe to curse (original cut of Transformers: the Movie) and had to be rescued by his equally pathetic and clueless kid Daniel. Really? Are you for real? What a weenie?

Jason Todd's Robin was best known for getting
killed. That pretty much sums him up. 

Isn't this what Robin really was?

Robin/Jason Todd (Batman) - Jason Todd's, also known as Robin #2, was the reckless sidekick that Bruce Wayne picked after Dick Grayson left. The fans hated the new Robin so much that he was killed off after a poll in where over five thousand people voted for his death (Batman: A Death in the Family) and no one cared... really. He was more known for dying than anything else!!! He remains Batman's greatest regret as the only partner to die in the line of duty. He didn't even make the cut for the Arkham games. If you ever need help remembering Robin (granted all Robins factor) look to Tiny Toon Adventures parody where the Robin character was Hampton as Decoy- The Pig Hostage. He gets the nod as the worst if you consider that he was trained by Batman, who is the world's greatest detective.

There you can some of the most annoying side characters in movies/TV history. Go on and add your own.