Worst Films of 2012

Omitted from the list since I couldn't have a film that would make me cut my eyes out

2012 has seen a lot of good films, but not a lot of GREAT ones. There has been some bad movies, but there were some BAAAAAAAAAAAD films this year. Sometimes a bad film has a chance and then an overzealous actor, screenwriter, producer or director gets in the way and the film goes further off track and buries itself in cliche's and plot twists that make no sense. You'd think some films that could have easily made this list like Snow White and the Huntsman or Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance, but they were somewhat watchable. Twilight Breaking Dawn is excluded as it would have seared my retinas as Taylor Lautner attempts to act. Here's a short list of all of those films that wasted hours of moviegoers time:

Battleship was formulaic and that
didn't translate to box office success.

Battleship - Honestly, this had a spot reserved on this list since it's first trailer and that it was based off Hasbro's board game. Peter Berg tried to keep it away from being a generic story, but it was EXACTLY what you'd expect. Aliens come to take over the world and say nothing. The main protagonist is a headstrong semi-racist perfect athlete that's being kicked out of the Navy for fighting even though he's a high ranking officer and his hot girlfriend is the daughter of the Admiral who doesn't like him. There aren't really bad performances or directing, but let's face it, IT WAS BASED OFF A BOARD GAME and that's how you felt- BORED. Clue pulled it off. This didn't. At one point audiences watched them play Battleship. Fun to play, but every watch someone play it? It's boring. Another egregious error in the film (and several other films and commercials) is that it concludes with CCR's "Fortunate Son". I know people want to think, "Some folk are born made to wave the flag..." is a patriotic song, but the dead give away it's not is the chorus repeats "It's ain't me." It's also showed that Rihanna should stick to singing.

The prophecies didn't warn
us of a bad sequel.

Wraith of the Titans - Quickly churning out a sequel to the awful remake of the 1980's Harry Hamlin film, Wrath of the Titans welcomed back Sam Worthington to a role that was just forgettable the first time around. This time the gods kidnap Zeus and are attempting to wake Kronos, the father of the gods Zeus, Poseidon and Hades. The motives for some of the characters were off and it was just a way to quickly get a sequel out. Perseus meets up with Andromeda they fall in love (one movie later than they were supposed to) and the princess ventures out like none during the actual era, but GIRL POWER has their way and the film continues to just put greek myths together like they were spun from a speak and spell.

Abraham Lincoln Vampire
Hunter was so predictable,
you could have watched it
without sound.

Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter - There were two Abraham Lincoln movies this year. One was great, insightful with compelling performances and outstanding direction that brought to life the world of the 1860's. The other was this one. If there was a movie that could be original and yet decided to be COMPLETELY GENERIC, Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter was just that. In fact, you could turnoff the volume for this movie and still get the plot points. In a blog post I wrote while somewhat drunk, I feared it would get the "generic revenge story treatment." Well, it did. Young Abraham watches his mother bit by a vampire (who sees him and doesn't kill him) and Abe swears revenge against a certain vampire, but discovers that Vampires as a whole are the problem. So he kills plenty with an ax that is covered in silver (that he forgets about later in the film) and runs for office as a backup plan. He wins the presidency and vampires strike back by killing his son. Of course, this angers his wife as she screams out, "You did this! You brought this upon us!" Then it concludes with a long action sequence that is as pointless and over-the-top twist that would be completely impossible. It never got you immersed into the story the way the book managed to, but at least it got Rufus Sewell work.

What is real? A bad movie

Total Recall - If you remake a movie, it's subject to criticism to be compared to it's predecessor. Total Recall may have had a shot at being a decent film if it wasn't named Total Recall. Some remakes are made to get closer to the source material. Total Recall decided to get FURTHER from the Philip K. Dick story "We Can Remember it for You Wholesale", and never travel to Mars. Instead the world is two cities that remain in England and Australia, which is where Doug Quaid lives, dreaming of another life every night. His emptiness, which the audience is supposed to feel in 5 minutes, leads him to Rekall -the memory implant people. In this remake, Rekall is made to be mysterious and makes you wonder why anyone would go there. Or why Douglas Quaid wants to be a secret agent over anything else? Or why there was a three-boobed prostitute outside when no one else was mutated, but we'll chalk that up to an homage to the original. Anyway, the movie quickly changes to chase mode and the plot gets less coherent. After going through a long chase sequence, director Len Wiseman reprised the scene that makes you question the reality of the story. After having his wife chase him, Quaid now sees her crying as a friend is telling him, "It's all a dream." Where the original pulled you in, this drove you away. It never captures the original's charm or even creates a compelling story of it's own. Sadly, it doesn't even match the quality of Arnold Schwarzenagger's ACTING and it's villain (Kate Beckensale) never really scares you (unless it's trying to figure out why she's attacking the man that she pretended to be his wife). It reeks of laziness and feels like it's made solely to build up to the line, "I know who I am." Furthermore, it's obvious that this film was made to make the trailer look cool, not considering the other 90 minutes needed to make a good movie. But at least there were hovercars! That's enough, right?

WORST MOVIE OF THE YEAR:

This movie was one big cliche' and but
at least there was a character that didn't
exist in the source material.

Resident Evil Retribution - Sounding too much like a broken record, but Resident Evil Retribution used more cliches and more pointless story lines than any other movie this year. Taking place in a secret Umbrella Corporation simulation facility where former S.T.A.R.S. agent Jill Valentine leads the Umbrella army against Alice. Also Albert Wesker (Resident Evil Afterlife's villain) is now Alice's ally with no apparent reason for the switch. This time Alice sees her life if she was a regular person who had a daughter during the Zombie Apocalypse. Unlike The Walking Dead, this facility was able to simulate what it would be like if the T-virus was unleashed in different cities of the world...but still couldn't come up with one decent action scene. Once again, a Licker is the scary monster of the movie and characters from the original are brought back to see if anyone gave a shit. Anyway, there is nothing at stake since it's all a simulation, but at least there's a little child for Alice to gravitate to so people are reminded of Aliens... and how that was a much BETTER film. It also brought back protagonists from the previous crappy films to... die? Well, just one of them. Barry- the turncoat from the original RE game- was introduced just to die. The film culminates with another fight scene against another human... not a monster in a factory full of them. The action is just way hack director Paul W.S. Anderson likes to make; plenty of ramping and changing speeds, with close-ups and quick shots that never get you into the action unless your the DJ that he asked to make the music. However, Resident Evil Retribution doesn't finish it's crap story, but leaves it open for one more sequel (I hope) for the fate of the world...which there is nothing left, so what's the harm.

Don't know how much worse these films could have been, but feel free to leave a comment below.

Console to Screen: Resident Evil (The Right Way)

Resident Evil created
survival horror.

I've written so much about how terrible the Resident Evil series has been, so one more article won't hurt. It's been 12 years since hack director Paul W.S. Anderson "shat out" the most awful and disgraceful adaptation of all time and it's set to conclude in the next film...possibly. The only unfortunate part for me is that I couldn't officially call it the Worst Adaptation of All Time because it's moderate success. However, it's story is so weak that they just keep referring to the Umbrella Corporation without ever really considering their business plan. You figure if everyone in the world is a monster or a zombie, that wouldn't help the economy. Resident Evil gave birth to survival horror, but now it's trying to cling to relevancy. Where did all of it go wrong?

Plot:

The first story was set in a mysterious mansion.
The first movie...went another direction.

Go back to basics of what the story was. Ditch the Alice storyline that was never in the game for the REAL story of an elite special attack team called S.T.A.R.S. that are caught in a mansion while investigating the disappearance of the Alpha squad. Little by little, the squad of Chris Redfield, Barry Burton and Jill Valentine find out that the mansion is full of zombies and monsters. Eventually, they learn that mansion is a research facility that's trying to create the ultimate weapon and founded by their S.T.A.R.S. member Albert Wesker.
In Resident Evil 2, the virus took to streets of Raccoon City, but enter two new protagonists, Leon Kennedy and Claire Redfield. Claire journeyed to Raccoon City to find her brother and (CLICHE ALERT) Leon came for his first day on the job. In the city, they encounter a daughter (Sherry) of the mutated scientist (William Birkin) and Ada Wong, a woman with her own agenda. They learn that Birkin created the G-Virus which is more powerful than the T-Virus from the first story. Each character had their own storyline and which unlocked a second story continuing in an alternate timeline that expanded the story. Birkin's metamorphosis over several stages in the game were terrifying an haunting. Add-in a mysterious man that shows up in the B story and it's really creepy.

Cast:

Leon Kennedy.

What could have been...

Instead of wasting time on a made up character, this could have been where Leon Kennedy took center stage. Kennedy was the lead character in Resident Evil 4 and a key character in Resident Evil 6. Hmmm... still no Alice. Now, take a look at the picture of Leon Kennedy. Who could have played that back in 2002 and done a good job. That's right, Ryan Gosling. Now a leading man and an Oscar Nominated A-lister, fat chance trying to get him if they rebooted the series to do it right. Can't think of another guy, but he would have been great.
Oddly, Ally Larter as Claire Redfield wasn't a bad choice, but her character was as emotionally vacant as a Taylor Lautner monologue.

What It Has Going For It:

Lisa Trevor was a minor character, but never touched on
by any RE movie.

If Resident Evil didn't go awry and actually stuck to a coherent story, people would have seen a movie about a corporation trying to create biological weapons. When the company's experiments go wrong and it takes a massive PR hit, Umbrella is undermined and their resources are plucked by other groups. Now that sounds a lot like nuclear weapons and the breakdown of the Soviet governments, which made for plenty of spy stories in the 90s. It also showed that there are other groups than just a corporation...which cares about profit.
Every RE story had an "ultimate weapon" that players had to overcome and different creatures. In RE 1, you fought Tyrant. In RE 2, it was the MANY phases of William Birkin. There's always something BIG at the end. In Paul WS Anderson's first Resident Evil film...there was a Licker. Really? In Resident Evil: Apocalypse, it was Nemesis...sort of as Nemesis was someone Alice knew and she was trying to rescue him. It wasn't until Resident Evil: Extinction that a creature was used like Tyrant and even that one was screwed up. There's also the minor characters that the movies didn't show like Lisa Trevor, a mutated girl chained to a board and meandering around in RE 4. There was other creatures not used in the movies like the Hunters. The Hunters intro in the original RE was one of the creepiest surprise in ANY RE game (as scene below at the 2:45 mark). They were also the most eerie of the RE soldiers. The Hunters would walk towards you and then attack with great speed and strength when close.

Who Could Pull This Off:
Any choice is better than Paul WS Anderson. I would hate using this guy as my template of bad directors...but I can't name a movie he's done without throwing up a little in my mouth. He took Alien vs Predator, named it AVP and made us miss Renny Harlin and Stephen Hopkins directing. Anyway, RE is a combination of horror and action. You'd have to choose which you'd want it to be...unless you get Zack Snyder. Sure Snyder has made his name directing 300, Sucker Punch and Watchmen, but his 2004 Dawn of the Dead remake is just the flavor the real Resident Evil series would need. Now, how to get him? Wait to see how Superman: Man of Steel works out (the SECOND reboot of the DC hero) and if Superman is successful, it only helps. Reboots are usually after audiences forget the originals just enough...well except for Spider-Man.

Like I've said, if Resident Evil is to be rebooted, it'll likely go the route of being truer to the original stories as most reboots do. Hell, even James Bond went to the "closer to the source material" road and look at how successful Daniel Craig's James Bond series has been. Albert Wesker would actually be scary instead of an annoying guy with an accent. I actually need to stop writing this because the Resident Evil movies remind me of the words "wasted potential"...

Ten of the Worst Adaptations of All Time

Super Mario Bros was
just bad, but it didn't make
list.

Some of the greatest films of all time have been adapted from smaller stories. Whether it's from something like a book, novella or short story, to TV series and video games in recent times, movies have taken ideas and expanded or condensed them to make compelling motion pictures. After all thirteen of IMDb's top fifteen movies are based off books, plays or short stories with Inception and Pulp Fiction being the notable originals. The fact is that a great story can translate to a great film, or a bad one if not handled properly. The greatest franchise in movie history (James Bond) was adapted from Ian Fleming's series of novels, but imagine if the first was a bomb. Would it been a successful series? Of course not, it would crumble. In spite of that reasoning, one of the films on this list will defy explanation, however the rest tried to either expand their franchise with a new vision or just let it lie. This list is based upon popularity, risk, reception, the quality of the adaptation itself and the franchise's potential (if applicable).

Moneyball is a good film
until facts come into play.

10) Moneyball (2011) - If you've read this blog for Worst Movies of 2011, Moneyball was the loser as worst movie. Now, that isn't saying that Moneyball was a bad movie, but it didn't represent the facts well. The film excluded all mention of pitchers Mark Mulder, Tim Hudson, Barry Zito, Corey Lidle and AL MVP Migel Tejada and All Star Eric Chavez to focus on Scott Hatteberg, Chad Bradford and David Justice. The film depicts an acquisition of a situational left-handed reliever as the big moment in a sports movie. However, it wraps up well, citing that Billy Beane is still trying to win the final game of the season and got nominated for Best Picture by film critics who likely did not know the facts excluded by the film.

Too a whole week to make you realize,
you're not getting 10 hours back.

9) Stephen King's The Stand (1994) - One of Stephen King's best books was reduced to a PG-style horror film that could be tame enough for middle America to watch it in front of kids. The cast featured many names Gary Sinise, Molly Ringwald, Jamey Sheridan, Corin Nemic, Laura San Giacomo, Ruby Dee, Ozzie Davis, Miguel Ferrer, Ray Walston and Rob Lowe, but they weren't fleshed out by director Mick Garris. Originally the studio wanted George Romero, which was out as soon as ABC wanted it for a miniseries. The full week event boiled down to a nuke exploding in Vegas detonated by the "hand of God". Is there any worse way to end a series than this? Like video games, there hasn't been many good King adaptations, which is hard to explain from America's best selling author.  

Great anime deserves an awful
American live action feature.

8) The Fist of the North Star (1995) - Adapted from a popular anime series, Fist of the North Star took a lot of liberties with the original story and tamed down the action in comparison to the anime series. It's so forgettable that I can't point out much that went wrong, but it's so far down on the list because the cult status of the series and no attempt to reprise or recreate this awful piece. It had a 3.8 rating on IMDb and had Downtown Julie Brown in the supporting cast. Enough said.

Low Budget, poorly written,
The Guyver didn't have
a chance.

7) The Guyver (1991) - Another popular anime series from Japan was depicted on film with Star Wars Mark Hamill headlining in a supporting role. Released during a time where action and comedy were blending together, this film never took itself seriously. Directed by a special effects artist, an overly cartoony style and terribly placed homages to other films, The Guyver never was able to tell it's story with any type of decorum or even satire. The series attempted a sequel in 1994 with Steve Wang directing it alone and a dark tone, but the series was done.

Transformers was more about
Shia LaBeouf wise cracks than
anything.

6) Transformers (2007) - When Michael Bay adapted Transformers to the big screen, most fans asked "Why" before saying "how". From the instant Transformers premiered, it was obvious that the Transformers themselves would be secondary to feature the humans. Unbelievably a huge mistake as Optimus Prime would say, "My Bad," as the film continued to just get dumber. As the series evolved ("evolved" is used liberally), it would steal lines from Star Trek and become a slow motion film when Megan Fox or the other chick appeared on screen. The key point of the Transformers was lost as the fight to steal Earth's power resources was replaced by "the Cube" or the something else. Couple that with the "replicon" from the second movie and the horribly racist robots, you wonder how this series was able to go three movies.

Shouldn't an adaptation
be about the thing your
adapting?

5) Resident Evil (2002) - I've written how about Resident Evil is (and the rest of the series for that matter several times) an abomination. One more won't hurt. It's a bizarre retelling of Alice in Wonderland and completely disregards the series it was adapting to tell a completely irrelevant story with a character that doesn't exist in the series. Most fans of the series have turned away, where somehow it picked up an audience and that blindly sees the sequels. It's actually pretty insulting to the current series of games that desperately are trying to stay relevant to the populous. The fact that this film is still churning out terrible money-making sequels prevents it from being the top of the list. 

Don't worry, Jim Carrey will
do something funny to save us...

4) How The Grinch Stole Christmas (2000) - Ron Howard won an Oscar for a Beautiful Mind and is one of Hollywood's top directors with Splash, The Da Vinci Code, Frost/Nixon, Ransom, Backdraft and Willow to name a few. That said, this is probably Howard's worst film. Adapted from the 22 minute short film (already adapted from the Dr. Seuss short story), Jim Carrey took the role of the Grinch and the spoke freely without rhyme for the most part. The Grinch was given one of the worst backstories of all time- as he was shunned for giving himself a terrible haircut in an attempt to impress Martha May Whovier (Christine Baranski) and while Augustus Maywho (Jeffrey Tambor) taunts him. This film reeked of "Jim Carrey's comedic style will save us", but sadly the movie was not funny or entertaining, yet is considered a holiday classic. Still don't know how, but how did Twilight make 5 movies? Don't know how that happened either.

Almost everyone's career
was ruined by Street Fighter.

3) Street Fighter (1994) - Video games have not been adapted well to the screen (see Why Video Game Movies Haven't Worked) and Street Fighter is the quintessential example of this. With Belgian Jean-Claude Van Damme as America's William F. Guile and Raul Julia as General M. Bison, this film couldn't have been saved if Ming-Na and Kylie Minogue started going at it in the middle of the movie...as in the entire SECOND ACT! It received a rating of 3.7 on IMDb and was so poorly received that no sequel was attempted and the equally awful arcade game was shelved before it made it to consoles. This movie was so weak that it wasn't even mentioned in Raul Julia's epitaph a few months later. Perhaps he died just to get away from the reviews of the film. 

Paul WS Anderson kills three franchises
with this remarkably bad 2004 piece
of dreck.

2) Alien vs. Predator (2004) - Paul W.S. Anderson makes the list again! How this guy continues to make movies baffles Michael Bay. Anderson's hack job on Resident Evil was awful, but RE looks Oscar worthy compared to this piece of crap. Set in Antarctica, AVP (the more stylish title) had humans exploring an ancient temple where the Predators trained their young ones by sacrificing humans to become aliens as right of passage. This goes against the Predator's code that they don't kill unarmed people, but that's another story... I guess. Eventually the spanish archeologist with a terrible accent (get used to that as a reference) deduced that the humans worshiped the Predators to keep the evil inside the temple that the Predators put there. Also, this film makes you root for one of the hated/beloved creatures and gives the audience a "stalemate" ending which is just... well stale. Eventually, AVPR (Aliens vs Predator Requiem) was released a few years later. The film did better with it's tone, but as a sequel to this sad adaptation produced a lackluster sequel. Though left open for another segment, there are no plans for another addition. It even was ignored in a prequel sense. Lance Hendrickson starred as Charles Bishop Weyland, intended to connect the dots to the Weyland company that produced the Bishop android in Aliens. In 2012's Prometheus, Guy Pierce played the owner of the Weyland company, Peter Weyland. The two roles had one thing in common: they both were over-zealous and met their demise from an alien creature.     

So bad that no one wants,
the sequel to come out.

1) G I Joe (2009) - Hasbro established themselves as a production company after Transformers was a success, but G.I. Joe was to solidify their budding company. Starring Channing Tatum (yes, he's awful), Sienna Miller, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Rachel Nicholos and Marlon Wayans, the film (helmed by the Mummy director Stephen Sommers) was putrid to say the least. The military strongholds of both sides were penetrated faster than a date with a Jersey Shore girl. Also, it's story was as weak as the Scottish accent of Christopher Eccelston's Destro (which may be real and even scarier). This film end quickly, poorly with a twist that no cared about. It was so bad that Channing Tatum's Duke is rumored to be killed in the sequel G.I. Joe: Retaliation that has already been pushed back TWICE to March of 2013. The film's stars are nowhere to be found in the sequel (ditto for Sommers) with only Snake Eyes Ray Park returning. Not to say this film series had potential post-9/11, but whatever it had is all but gone and Hasbro finds themselves desperately asking Bruce Willis, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson and Ray Stevenson to save it.

There's my list I couple compile. If I left anything out, let me know in the comments.

Slient Hill Screams for Return

Silent Hill Relevations
opens October 26th.

In 1999, survival horror video games were dominated by one title- Resident Evil. That was until Konami developed a game that was called "a shameless, but slick Resident Evil clone" by Gamepro. It was about a father who gets into a car accident with his daughter in a remote town called Silent Hill. When he awoke, the girl was gone and he has to look for her. Though exploring the town, the father (known as Harry Mason) finds out the true origins of his daughter (Cheryl). In 2006, Silent Hill was released, but transformed it's main character from a father to a mother and changed the name of Cheryl to Sharon. The film is one of the more underrated of the video game movies, but audiences and critics could not say the same with a Rotten Tomatoes score of 29%. However, hardcore fans applauded the film for staying somewhat true to the series though it combined elements of the first three games. If director Christophe Gans didn't incorporate aspect of the other games, audiences wouldn't have been introduced to Pyramid Head, who is one of the more frightening monsters in video game history.

Malcolm McDowell joins Adelaide Clemens on the tour
of the haunted town.

The first film did not go the way of the more popular Resident Evil and did relied more on it's story than creating new characters and action sequences that made little sense. It was a cross between Carrie and the Salem Witch Trials with an ending that didn't seem to fulfill audiences viewing pleasure. Now Silent Hill has spawned a sequel Silent Hill Relevations and it's premise attempts to keep to the story from the Silent Hill games. Heather (Adelaide Clemens) is haunted by nightmares on the eve of her 18th birthday. After the disappearance of her father Christopher (Sean Bean), she travels to the "alternate" Silent Hill and encounters all the monsters left out of the first Silent Hill film that were left out. According to IMDb, Radha Mitchell (the lead of the first film) is credited as Heather encounters "her mother". Where the story goes is a mystery? Do they follow the Resident Evil path and introduce monsters seemingly without rhyme or reason only to sacrifice the story? Will 3D be enough to keep the mind-fuck the first film was?

What is certain is that Pyramid Head will make another appearance? Considered one of the greatest monsters in the gaming history, Pyramid Head had two appearances in the first Silent Hill film. The second scene was the most disturbing, gory and downright filthy. It featured Pyramid Head peeling off the skin of a girl and throwing it against a church wall. A terrifying character that began appearing in the second Silent Hill game, it would behoove the filmmaker (Michael J. Bassett) to feature him. Below is the Pyramid Head scene in the first film and I'm sure you'll agree. How Silent Hill will be received by  audiences will be a mystery, but it will get it's chance to follow up on Resident Evil once again. Unlike  ten years ago, Resident Evil has lowered the bar so low that if the film had 30 minutes of commercials in the middle of it, it should beat out Resident Evil. If it doesn't Silent Hill will never speak again.

Resident Evil: Abomination

Resident Evil: Retribution
opens September 14th to
insult movie goers.

In 1996, Sony's released Resident Evil for their new Playstation system and immediately spawned a new genre: survival horror. It pit an elite group of police officers Special Tactics And Rescue Service (S.T.A.R.S.) against zombies and monsters as they're trapped in a mansion trying to solve the reason behind bizarre cannibalistic murders in the nearby area. This game was the first game that you were required to watch with the lights out. The creaking floors as a zombie walked after you, the slow methodical footsteps of the hunters and the feeling that you character was going to die at any minute terrified gamers. However, THIS article isn't about the magnificent game from 1996. This is about the highest rated video game movie on Rotten Tomatoes at a WOEFUL 34% and the movie franchise that followed it. This was the centerpiece of Off The Marc Movies' "Why Video Game Movies Haven't Worked".

Director Paul W.S. Anderson said in the interview that he had a "successful video game franchise", but that's like asking Michael Crichton fans of the Jurassic Park books what they thought of...well any of the movies. Sure, Steven Speilberg made two of the highest grossing movies of all time, but then they made Jurassic Park III. This set a new level for bad for any adaptation until Paul W.S. Anderson adapted Resident Evil. Now Anderson has made bad adaptations before RE (Mortal Kombat) and after (Alien vs. Predator), but Resident Evil takes the cake and releases it's mind-boggling FIFTH installment this week. Unfortunately Anderson has proved that movie goers are going to shell out millions of dollars just to see an awful film that is loosely (and use the term loosely) based on a video game series that's trying to find it's way BACK to stardom. There were many errors made in the first film... and just continued as the series moved on.

The first Resident Evil movie began with the incident at the Umbrella Corporation's lab that creates a lockdown and traps employees inside. There is a scene where a handful of terrified people try to escape from an elevator and predictable one gets decapitated. Flash to a running shower where Alice is awaking from being knocked out. She gets dressed and meanders around her mansion wondering who she is with complete amnesia. Ah amnesia...works for soap operas. Why not here? Anyway, Alice is confronted by a special forces security team that takes her (and a man suffering from amnesia as well and a random guy) down into The Hive. Sound like the video game, yet? Well, the team progresses further down in an effort to destroy the Red Queen (the computer who runs the facility with the holographic projection of a child with an English accent). If you were a fan of the series, the closest you got to getting this film to be an adaptation was a mention of Umbrella Corporation, the T-Virus and the climactic fight with the Licker. That's it. Really?

Still sounds like the Resident Evil game? No? That's because it was set up as a dark re-imagining of Alice in Wonderland. Was there any doubt? Alice is taken down "the rabbit hole" to face the "red queen" and then has to battle her way out of Wonderland. This actually sets a new low for lazy. Anderson didn't even adapt the right story. None of the games' characters were in the movie and it used EVERY cliche to drive it's story. Amnesia, a reporter looking for his sister and the signature Paul W.S. Anderson open-ended ending that leaves the story open for a sequel. That said, this was probably his best of his shitty endings. None could have been worse than the end of Mortal Kombat where the emperor shows up and says, "I've come for your souls". Back to RE, this adaptation was so bad that Anderson made up his own main character: Alice (Milla Jovovich) who battles T-Virus affected dogs with her bare hands and kicks them without getting scratched which would have spread the virus to her.  This was like adding a "more interesting" character than the main characters in the original story. Therefore, if Anderson was in charge of adapting the Bible, he'd have made Jesus a supporting character if he mentioned him at all. Um...What?

The original Resident Evil game was great, building excitement all the way through and getting to a sensical finale where you discover that one of your own people (Albert Wesker) was involved with the Umbrella Corporation to develop the perfect biological weapon (Tyrant). Tyrant rebels against his master (Wesker) and if you were Jill or Chris, you had to fight off Tyrant and eventually kill him with a rocket launcher! That plot makes sense and builds to a great climax. The movie...went in another direction. The "other guy" regains his memory, realizes that they could sell the virus on the open market, tries to cure himself and is eaten by the Licker. Then the group has to battle the Licker on a train to get back to the surface. Of course, the Licker scratches the reporter and he is taken away by Umbrella Scientists to be put in the "Nemesis Project" as Alice is taken away. Alice wakes up in an operating room to find the place has been ravaged and stands in the ruins of Raccoon City with a shotgun.

Milla Jovovich's Alice was never a character in the
Resident Evil stories, but is the center of the film franchise.

The truth of the Resident Evil movie series is that it's more bastardized than the Transformers franchise. Just because it says it's brand name, it'll make money. The odd thing is that Anderson keeps referring back to the games even though most gamers feel that he's ruined the film adaptions by NOT being faithful to the story in any way. This series never scared anyone, but yet still gets horror movie audiences. The action is cliche and so-so at best, but still gets that audience. It's still unclear if he has blackmail on the people that spend millions of dollars, but these movies continue to be churned out. Furthermore, it's Rotten Tomatoes critics AND audience scores continue to descend. In fact, in the new edition brings back characters that no one gave a shit about. That's like bringing back Jar Jar Binks after Phantom Menance. Oh... wait... How this series makes more movies and makes a profit is actually pretty insulting to use all. It's actually makes the Total Recall remake look like a good idea. Rumor has it that he's trying to acquire the rights to make Castlevania. He'll promptly make it about someone else besides Simon Belmont and cast Milla somewhere in there again.

Console to Screen: F.E.A.R.

F.E.A.R. set out to scare
gamers and succeeded in
spades.

In the vein of survival horror, F.E.A.R. was a first person shooter game that had a unique story- like a Resident Evil meets the Bourne Idenity. It was one of the few games that was more psychological thriller than simply survival horror where you had to shoot zombie or dinosaurs to make it to the next sequence. F.E.A.R. was also one of the few games that featured interactive flashbacks to the point where you could really think the playable character was losing his mind. The hallucinations the main character was having DURING gameplay didn't help much either. This game was more than just running into a building to save a bunch of hostages and rescue some important figure at the end. It strayed a little from the path of a “typical game”: here's your objective, fight along and have an enormous boss fight at the end. Not the case in F.E.A.R., where the story trumped following the same formula of every game before it, but that's probably what hurts replay value. All in all, F.E.A.R. was a game that stayed in your mind after you finished playing it, but could it ever be made into a movie.

Story:

The game begins like an action movie (as many have since Metal Gear) where Paxton Fettel takes command of a group of telepathically manipulated soldiers at Armacham Technology Corporation headquarters. He kills most of the occupants (security and doctors), but there seems to be something else at work here. Along with Fettel being a bit of a cannibal, there's a little girl (that is reminiscent of the girl from The Ring) who walks around before Fettel screams in pain. At one point in the intro, her footprints become invisible, but also hear her whispers as she says, "Kill 'em all".

Paxton Fettel is one of the
more intriguing villains
in gaming history.

Cut to the special forces group (known as First Encounter Assault Recon) that has to investigate the situation and the “highly touted rookie”, who is the playable character. In that intro, you're told that this rookie tested “off the charts”, so he is ready for his first mission. As the group lands, you get a sense of the game's atmosphere, as mangled corpse after bloody corpse are found until you run into Paxton Fettel within the first ten minutes of the game. Fettel tells you that everyone “deserved to die” and is gone just as quickly. Did you imagine it? That's a question that pops up a lot in the game. As you delve deeper, you learn of the corporation's Project: Origin which details how Fettel was created to become a telepathic military leader and was the son of Alma. Alma is a powerful psychic that projects the child image of her around the base, in haunting flashbacks and even life-threatening situations. The player learns that Fettel was the genetically engineered son of Alma, but that's not all...

The true Alma players
encounter in the end.

Project: Origin put Alma into a coma and injected her with engineered DNA to harvest her psychic abilities. Therefore, Alma has been in this coma since giving birth to her TWO sons and doesn't know she has aged for some time. She gave birth to her first son at fifteen and it was deemed a failure. A year later, she was impregnated and gave birth to her second son (Fettel). When Fettel was screams at the beginning of the game, it's because Alma psychically bonds herself to her son. Fettel searches frantically for the facility to free the physical form of his mother. Eventually, the player encounters Paxton Fettel and is drawn into a hallucination where he learns that he's actually Alma's first son. After fighting in the hallucination, you find yourself where you were- standing in front of Fettel- to blow his brains out. Then it's a race against time as Project: Origin leader Harlon Wade, also Alma's father, frees Alma to relieve his guilt of how Alma was treated by the company. Wade succeeds and is immediately killed by his daughter. With Alma free, the player sabotages the main reactor to destroy the facility, but that's not where the story ends. As you attempt to escape, ghosts (projections from Alma's mind) attack you, driving you toward a direction and encountering Alma herself. As you trying to fend her off, you fall into an operating room and see how you were created. After the facility explodes, the F.E.A.R. Blackhawk retrieves you and the team wonders briefly, “I wonder what happened to Alma,” as Alma is shown climbing into the helicopter as the game closes. In the end credits, a senator is told that the first prototype was a success.

Cast:

Despite not seeing The
Player until F.E.A.R. 3,
Quinto would be a great
choice.

The Player: This is the first of the Console to Screen games that encounters a major problem: there's little backstory and even less of a description of the player's appearance. Now that can be liberating. After all, Hollywood isn't limited and Doom casted Karl Urban as the player without their restrictions. Since I'm trying not to cast too many same actors in these, the only real need is to find an actor that can play the horrifying self-discovery well after looking like a badass throughout the film. A great aspect of not knowing anything about this character can lead a writer to make the backstory about ANYTHING until he learns the truth. The player has ONE line in the game, "I tried to forget. I tried so hard to forget." An unknown could be a good way to go, but that's boring for this type of blog. Therefore, a good choice could be...what the hell... Zachary Quinto. He has the acting chops and in Heroes and Star Trek, he showed that he could be a renewed man with a haunted past. 

Goode can play charming, evil,
maniacal, but let's see his turn
at disturbing.

Paxton Fettel: Casting the perfect Fettel would help too. If you could find someone who can play the dark side really well and be calm doing it because Fettel is a calculated villain as opposed to a madman. Matthew Goode (The Lookout, Watchmen) would be an excellent choice. Goode knows how to be just evil enough without looking crazy or stupid. Goode's performance in Watchmen may have been the best one and he nearly had audiences robbing banks for Joseph Gordon-Levitt in The Lookout. As the psychic deranged and brilliant leader Fettel, Goode might be the best choice you could find.

What's Already in Place:

F.E.A.R. is one of the few games since the Resident Evil series first began to actually scare gamers. The interactive flashbacks were one of a kind where you found yourself walking down a hallway, see a bright flash and the next thing you know the hallway is full of blood up to your waist. There's moments all over the game where Fettel just appears out of nowhere and disappears within second. The feeling that your PLAYABLE character is losing his mind is felt from beginning to end. Fettel knows everything and seems to be toying with the Player during the game along with Alma as she scurries around. Bodies of doctors and guards fall out closets, vents and are just laying around. A few encounters with the Project: Origin doctors and office works that are trying to cover their tails are most of the human encounters you get. As far as the format of the game, it's brilliant and can adapt well to the big screen.

As you fight, players let out horrifying screams in pain during combat.

One obstacle is that the point doesn't have a history. A screenwriter will have to create a normal one to make his revelation more traumatic. This would be a Total-Recall-Good-Version-type of moment throughout the film. I know I've used the word "throughout" out a lot, but this isn't the type of story that has "moments". F.E.A.R. shook up gamers as they played, it can do the same to movie goers.

Who Can Pull This Off?

The action in F.E.A.R. is quick and
intense, but who can scare you at
same time?

GREAT question. It's hard to see what recent hack can bring this to life well. It's can't just be a horror movie because it's also a quality action story. There's one little thing to add from the game that will be difficult. As mentioned earlier, the Player tested "off the charts" particularly in reflexes. "Bullet Time" (originally used in Max Payne) is used in F.E.A.R. The problem is that The Matrix made "Bullet Time" seem obsolete by the time Mark Wahlberg did it in the film version of Max Payne. This is a horror-action-total-mind-fuck-style movie that needs David Fincher crossed with John Woo. Since this blog is not about recycling the same name every time, a newcomer would be more than welcome for it. However, as stated in the casting selection, I should make a choice. A possibility could be... Louis Leterrier of The Transporter and The Incredible Hulk. Hulk delivered more on the dramatic side than The Transporter, but he'd be a good choice on the action side. On the psychological side, Rian Johnson of Brick and the upcoming Looper could be another good option.

F.E.A.R. could make a perfect three act structure for itself: Introduction, Corporation cover-up and the horrifying truth. It has a a shocking end twist that audiences will jump out of their seats when they see it. It could be a good alternative to the Resident Evil franchise that's running subpar film after film, but somehow seems successful. F.E.A.R.'s imagery and setting make it a great movie, but it's story- told properly- can make it a great film too. It doesn't have to push for a 3D feature, but likely to have that in there. It's one of the few games that truly scared gamers and -since it has no major ties to systems- can be called on to become a feature. The tricky part would be if the film would become a franchise as the stories get weaker. If done poorly, could be another Resident Evil atrocity.

Console to Screen: Metal Gear

Metal Gear Solid is Playstation's
homerun if finds it's way to
the big screen.

In 1998, Konami released Metal Gear Solid for the Playstation and it was an instant hit. Eight years after the sequel on the Nintendo Entertainment system, the Playstation got a blockbuster to follow-up the success of Resident Evil. From the moment you hit start, Metal Gear Solid was a different game in presentation alone. It looked more like the Hunt For Red October than a video game as the credits flashed by the screen. However if you didn't hit start, you were treated to briefings with Solid Snake about his mission- they're more like Easter Eggs since you hear the info in the gameplay. Below will show how the game starts. Metal Gear Solid is exclusively a Playstation series- though the series started on the NES and Solid made an appearance on the Gamecube and Nintendo DS. What could go wrong if Konami can send it's second film to the big screen behind Silent Hill?

Plot:

Solid Snake's infiltration of Shadow
Moses was an awesome espionage
style game. 

A rogue group of elite soldiers called Fox-Hound captured an Alaskan Nuclear base (Shadow Moses) in the hopes of acquiring the remains of legendary mercenary Big Boss. If the government does not comply within 24 hours, they plan on launching a nuclear weapon via a nuclear-capable walking tank called Metal Gear Rex. Solid Snake is forced out of retirement by Col. Roy Campbell and deployed to stop the threat by his former associates, whose abilities vary. A weapons specialist (Revolver Ocelot), a master of disguise (Decoy Octopus), a sniper (Sniper Wolf...duh), a hulk of a human that's heavily armed (Vulcan Raven), a psychic mad man (Psycho Mantis) and all lead by Liquid Snake, who is the double of Solid. As Snake infiltrates the base, he meets up with the DARPA Chief -who dies immediately, Armstech President Kenneth Baker, the daughter of Col. Campbell (Meryl Silverburgh) and a ninja out to kill Snake -who's also his old squad member known as Gray Fox.

As the story progresses, every character's story unfolds well. It doesn't matter if it's the main character like Solid Snake, a supporting character like Otacon or a minor character like Naomi Hunter, ALL character's had their own story that could have been made into short films at the very least. However, this is Snake's show. He comes to reveal to the audience that Liquid is really his clone brother and that Liquid intends to fire a nuke from Metal Gear. Solid Snake attempts to thwart him with the help of Gray Fox. As Gray Fox is killed, he pleads to Solid to embrace his soldier mentality to keep fighting. Solid does just that. He grabs a rocket launcher and blows Metal Gear to pieces. As a reward, he rescues Meryl and leaves, thinking out loud, "Maybe it's time I live for someone else...like you."

Casting:

Already proved he's a capable hero,
Guy Pierce could pull off Solid AND
Liquid Snake.

Who could play Solid Snake? Honestly, today's crop is kind of thin. There's plenty of actors out there, but who could personify the character better than X-Men screenwriter (that's right, screenwriter) David Hayter? Well there are possibilities. Jeremy Renner just starred in the Bourne Legacy, while him (or predecessor Matt Damon) would be good choices, there's other options. According to Wikipedia, Solid Snake's look was inspired by Christopher Walken, but whoever would take on Solid, MUST take on Liquid. So who could be BOTH dark and light to show BOTH characters? Here's two choices: Guy Pierce and Viggo Mortensen. Both are quality actors, though Pierce has shown that he could play the hero (LA Confidential, Memento) and the bad guy (upcoming Lawless) as fully evolved people that will draw the audience in. It wouldn't be the first time the born-English/Aussie-raised-actor played a US soldier (Rules of Engagement, The Hurt Locker). The key is that he proved he could play a charismatic action hero in 2012's Lockout, but his role as Edmund Exley in LA Confidential would be the best comparison. Exley had the inner turmoil that Snake needs and the OUTTER turmoil that Liquid shows. Pierce would be this blogger's choice. Mortensen would be a good second selection.

Story Structure:

Gray Fox was an interesting character
for many reasons.

Unlike other video games before it, Metal Gear Solid would have little trouble moving to the big screen compared to other films. This game was made like a film and isn't meant to just make you play on and on without reason. Could they drop a boss or two? Sure, but all of them were made to feel important. How do you remove one of them? Decoy Octopus is killed as part of the "twist" and Psycho Mantis is a great boss fight, but how does that translate to a movie scene? Easily, Vulcan Raven could be removed (the same way you dropped claymore mines to kill him without a shot), but Sniper Wolf has a more compelling scene AFTER her death than the actually boss fight. Clearly, Revolver Ocelot plays a key role even after his early defeat to the hands of Solid Snake, but Liquid needs a menacing presence provided by the actor that plays Solid. There's other under-lying characters that will have their moments like Campbell and Naomi, but this film belongs to Solid Snake. (See the end below)

What it has in place:

Now, Metal Gear does have great music (though not listed in the Best Music in Gaming History), but the gem was in it's storytelling. Metal Gear was told like a Tom Clancy novel brought to life as if Hideo Kojima wanted a Jack Ryan feel for it. If success was what he aimed for, he failed only because he overshot it by 1,000%. Metal Gear Solid ranked up with the Resident Evil and Final Fantasy games as the best action/adventure games in Playstation history. It remains a Playstation exclusive despite appearing on the Gamecube in 2004. It is a game-for-this-era (even pre-9/11) and a game that tells a story about a hero whose willing to kill himself as he comes to realize his existence is detrimental to the world.

Who could pull this off:

There's a very short list of directors that make Metal Gear Solid a reality, but The Bourne Ultimatum/United 93 director Paul Greengrass is the most logical choice. Greengrass' United 93 depicted the victim's and assassin's mentalities, but it's action never faltered. That's the feel Metal Gear Solid needs and a feel that not many others could duplicate. At this moment, it's hard to fathom another director that could make this intelligent action film possible.

Could it happen? Sooner-or-later Konami will make a money-grab. They already did in Silent Hill, but taking a shot at a horror-film while in the boom of the Resident Evil popularity is one thing. Metal Gear Solid doesn't have an expiration date since some quality spy movies are post-dated, but other than The Hunt for Red October, most are recent stories. Sounds like a contradiction, but it's a truth. Wait, but not too long. Can Konami do so within five years? Eh...maybe, but is it possible? Sure. If any video game can make a four star franchise, this is one of the TWO... the other one will be covered eventually.