Wednesday, June 13, 2012

TV Characters That Caused More Trouble Than They Were Worth

Every story of a hero has a friend or sidekick that just makes his (or her) job more difficult. It's not enough if you're trying to save the world from terrorists, evil machines, super-villains, mutants or trying to save the universe from big-creatures, but these characters always managed to make the job MUCH more difficult. Didn't you just wish these characters would just get aced and make the job easier? Actually one of them did...but no one cried.

Ed wasn't that annoying, but
certainly worth a slap.
Ed (Cowboy Bebop) - Ed is actually more useful than most of the characters on this list. She spoke pretty much nonsensical and was super-smart. She mooched a ride off of the Bebop crew with a remote control she made and never made too much trouble, but watching her was just annoying. One of the few characters that made you happy when she left the show in the third-to-last episode and even produced a slight reaction. The show was good with her and better without her.




Shut the f- up!!! Snarf! Snarf! 
Snarf (Thundercats) - Lion-O's nursemaid/guardian was shrill and annoying. He really didn't do much besides be...useless. Supposedly, there were good times, but they were few and far between. As a matter of fact, Lion-O didn't even want him around. If only other heros on this list had the same opinion.

Thanks for the Pizza, now the
hell out of the way!!!!




April O'Neil (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles) - O'Neil was usually a capable woman. An update on the Lois-Lane-type of investigative reporter first befriended the Turtles when she was assaulted by foot-soldiers of the Shedder, but that was not the last time she'd find trouble. In the quest to always find "the story", April would constantly get into trouble and need the Turtles to bail them out. In every aspect of the Turtles media, O'Neil was the damsel-in-distress, though just as bad as Master Splinter's frequent times being a hostage. She proved quite useful helping the Turtles get leads and alerting them of trouble as well as being a constant prisoner.

Dana was a good soldier...
and a complete idiot.
Dana Sterling (Robotech) - The bothersome behavior, voice and attitude of the leader of the Army of the Southern Cross' 15th squadron could make you puke. Whether it was being used as a "weapon" against the Zentraedi to show the beauty of life or something, or her falling in love with an enemy soldier (Zor Prime) and fighting for his rights- then asking him out on a date. In her disagreements with High Commanders, listening to her was as agonizing as admitting she was right. Truth is that she had several other annoying counter-parts, but since she was the leader, she's the worst.

As I wrote this, Duke
fell into another coma!
Duke (GI Joe) - Another leader of an elite band of soldiers that somehow caused more trouble than what he was worth. As much as Duke led the Joe's admirably, he was also captured frequently (5 times) or put into a coma (three times) and eventually had to be bailed out by the other Joes. Just for good measure, Channing Tatum's Duke is about to get aced next March when the sequel to GI Joe: Rise of Cobra comes out.

How many times did you wish
Pidge was killed? Hmm 100?
Pidge (Voltron: Lions) - Known as the smallest of the Voltron members, Pidge always tried to prove himself and always found trouble. He'd disobey orders, go off on his own, find the enemy... and get caught. If he'd be less of a dumbass, he'd realize that Voltron couldn't work without ALL FIVE MEMBERS. Even when the mighty robot warrior took a hit, his shrill scream probably pierced everyone's ear drums.

Great reporters can see
though a pair of glasses.
Lois Lane (Superman) - Investigative reporters are always the worst for heroes. They stick their noses in dangerous places and end up causing a problem. I'm pretty sure if Superman had another girl to choose from, he may have let her die. When has there ever been a time when Lane wasn't looking into a lead and got caught? Maybe twice in the 80 years of Superman stories. Didn't she win a Pulitzer Prize? She should be smarter than that. In the first handful of Superman movies, Lois was caught in an earthquake and stuck with terrorist at the Eiffel Tower or was it Niagra Falls. Either way, who had to bail her out? Yup, Superman. What would happen if one of those enemies had a green rock? Oh yeah, he's fucked. How could she not she through a pair of cheap glasses and see the man she's in love with? Lois Lane sets women back a hundred years every time on screen. Thanks Lois. 

As hot as useless, Kim Bauer was
kidnapped ALL THE TIME!!
Kim Bauer (24) - She was in as much trouble as she was hot...which is a 10 out of 10. The first season saw Kim kidnapped...twice. She was involved in a car cash, avoiding a murder-rap and used as a decoy in season 3 to get the key villain out in the open. She also got stuck in a cougar trap and had to be rescued by Johnny Chase. Her boyfriends (Chase and... um...Rocker Douche) lost limbs and her romantic pursuit of her kidnapper in season 1 led to her getting arrested. However, Kim had one moment that was cool. At the end of season 2, Kim was trapped in a walk-in closet with her murdering employer (played by Billy Burke) and was told by her father Jack to shoot him. Begrudgingly, she did. When she got back on the phone, Jack told her to shoot him again. A more cold version of her surfaced as she shot him again. Other than that, Kim was useless. No wonder why Elisha Cuthbert kept leaving the show.

This twerp had to be saved
by his cluesless kid!!!!
Spike (Transformers) - The human friend of robots from Cybertron was more like cement shoes than a helping hand. He got captured more than the French surrendered and other than screaming, was completely useless. There were times where he got out of trouble and then would fall right back into it. He was only member of the Transformers universe to curse (original cut of Transformers: the Movie) and had to be rescued by his equally pathetic and clueless kid Daniel. Really? Are you for real? What a weenie?

Jason Todd's Robin was best known for getting
killed. That pretty much sums him up. 
Isn't this what Robin really was?
Robin/Jason Todd (Batman) - Jason Todd's, also known as Robin #2, was the reckless sidekick that Bruce Wayne picked after Dick Grayson left. The fans hated the new Robin so much that he was killed off after a poll in where over five thousand people voted for his death (Batman: A Death in the Family) and no one cared... really. He was more known for dying than anything else!!! He remains Batman's greatest regret as the only partner to die in the line of duty. He didn't even make the cut for the Arkham games. If you ever need help remembering Robin (granted all Robins factor) look to Tiny Toon Adventures parody where the Robin character was Hampton as Decoy- The Pig Hostage. He gets the nod as the worst if you consider that he was trained by Batman, who is the world's greatest detective.

There you can some of the most annoying side characters in movies/TV history. Go on and add your own.

1 comment:

  1. Naturally, I'm honor bound to disagree with you on Duke--I'd have picked Shipwreck (who managed to basically Forrest Gump his way onto the team) or Flint (who competed constantly with Shipwreck over who could score more instances of getting brainwashed into thinking Cobra had won and they had gone insane), but you can't really go by Sunbow--EVERYONE got captured, brainwashed, tricked into kissing the enemy, told they were related to the enemy...the only character who wasn't a complete liability and actually lived up to their greensheet was of course, the Baroness, and the trade-off for her was that she was crazier than a shithouse rat. Don't forget, this is a canon that forced Snake Eyes to breakdance during a Cobra telethon, an episode that was clearly written while under the influence of opiates.

    Similarly, cartoon April O'Neill was way less of a liability than her hapless co-workers, Irma and Vernon. Both of them were often captured or used as cannon fodder by the Foot ninja. At least April was friends with Casey Jones and had the Turtles as allies--Irma and Vernon couldn't even be trusted with that secret!

    I agree on Lois Lane wholeheartedly, and while I think Pidge had his uses (power-of-five anime series always need a brain to hack computer systems), he was indeed far less useful than the space mice, who became especially awesome when they got weapons to fight back against Coba the blue cat.

    As for the Transformers, it's kind of a gimme that the human characters are going to be annoying liabilities--the show's stars can accidentally crush them to pulp if they take a bad step. Why not focus on some of the more annoying Transformers themselves? Personally, I found some of the Decepticons downright irritating. A villain's only as good as his weakest flunkie, and I feel like Megatron should have jettisoned half his idiot staff and yet he STILL managed to kill Optimus Prime to the horror of children everywhere.

    As for Jason Todd, the fans themselves elected to kill him after a telephone poll was voted 51% in favor of icing him, and well they should have, as he was the whiniest of the Robins other than Spoiler (a poor, poor representative of female Robins). Hell, Tim Drake's mother was killed by the Obeah Man and even HE wasn't whining as hard. Jason Todd, in fact, should win the most annoying person on this list all-star award because they retconned his death when Superboy punched a hole in time (comics are stupid) and changed the past so that he survived the impact, just so he could come back years later and continue to annoy everyone.

    I'll see your rant and raise you a pro-ancillary character blog (http://firestar9mm.livejournal.com/89099.html#cutid1) and an insanity blog (http://firestar9mm.livejournal.com/tag/ficbash)

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