Ten of the Worst Adaptations of All Time

Super Mario Bros was
just bad, but it didn't make
list.

Some of the greatest films of all time have been adapted from smaller stories. Whether it's from something like a book, novella or short story, to TV series and video games in recent times, movies have taken ideas and expanded or condensed them to make compelling motion pictures. After all thirteen of IMDb's top fifteen movies are based off books, plays or short stories with Inception and Pulp Fiction being the notable originals. The fact is that a great story can translate to a great film, or a bad one if not handled properly. The greatest franchise in movie history (James Bond) was adapted from Ian Fleming's series of novels, but imagine if the first was a bomb. Would it been a successful series? Of course not, it would crumble. In spite of that reasoning, one of the films on this list will defy explanation, however the rest tried to either expand their franchise with a new vision or just let it lie. This list is based upon popularity, risk, reception, the quality of the adaptation itself and the franchise's potential (if applicable).

Moneyball is a good film
until facts come into play.

10) Moneyball (2011) - If you've read this blog for Worst Movies of 2011, Moneyball was the loser as worst movie. Now, that isn't saying that Moneyball was a bad movie, but it didn't represent the facts well. The film excluded all mention of pitchers Mark Mulder, Tim Hudson, Barry Zito, Corey Lidle and AL MVP Migel Tejada and All Star Eric Chavez to focus on Scott Hatteberg, Chad Bradford and David Justice. The film depicts an acquisition of a situational left-handed reliever as the big moment in a sports movie. However, it wraps up well, citing that Billy Beane is still trying to win the final game of the season and got nominated for Best Picture by film critics who likely did not know the facts excluded by the film.

Too a whole week to make you realize,
you're not getting 10 hours back.

9) Stephen King's The Stand (1994) - One of Stephen King's best books was reduced to a PG-style horror film that could be tame enough for middle America to watch it in front of kids. The cast featured many names Gary Sinise, Molly Ringwald, Jamey Sheridan, Corin Nemic, Laura San Giacomo, Ruby Dee, Ozzie Davis, Miguel Ferrer, Ray Walston and Rob Lowe, but they weren't fleshed out by director Mick Garris. Originally the studio wanted George Romero, which was out as soon as ABC wanted it for a miniseries. The full week event boiled down to a nuke exploding in Vegas detonated by the "hand of God". Is there any worse way to end a series than this? Like video games, there hasn't been many good King adaptations, which is hard to explain from America's best selling author.  

Great anime deserves an awful
American live action feature.

8) The Fist of the North Star (1995) - Adapted from a popular anime series, Fist of the North Star took a lot of liberties with the original story and tamed down the action in comparison to the anime series. It's so forgettable that I can't point out much that went wrong, but it's so far down on the list because the cult status of the series and no attempt to reprise or recreate this awful piece. It had a 3.8 rating on IMDb and had Downtown Julie Brown in the supporting cast. Enough said.

Low Budget, poorly written,
The Guyver didn't have
a chance.

7) The Guyver (1991) - Another popular anime series from Japan was depicted on film with Star Wars Mark Hamill headlining in a supporting role. Released during a time where action and comedy were blending together, this film never took itself seriously. Directed by a special effects artist, an overly cartoony style and terribly placed homages to other films, The Guyver never was able to tell it's story with any type of decorum or even satire. The series attempted a sequel in 1994 with Steve Wang directing it alone and a dark tone, but the series was done.

Transformers was more about
Shia LaBeouf wise cracks than
anything.

6) Transformers (2007) - When Michael Bay adapted Transformers to the big screen, most fans asked "Why" before saying "how". From the instant Transformers premiered, it was obvious that the Transformers themselves would be secondary to feature the humans. Unbelievably a huge mistake as Optimus Prime would say, "My Bad," as the film continued to just get dumber. As the series evolved ("evolved" is used liberally), it would steal lines from Star Trek and become a slow motion film when Megan Fox or the other chick appeared on screen. The key point of the Transformers was lost as the fight to steal Earth's power resources was replaced by "the Cube" or the something else. Couple that with the "replicon" from the second movie and the horribly racist robots, you wonder how this series was able to go three movies.

Shouldn't an adaptation
be about the thing your
adapting?

5) Resident Evil (2002) - I've written how about Resident Evil is (and the rest of the series for that matter several times) an abomination. One more won't hurt. It's a bizarre retelling of Alice in Wonderland and completely disregards the series it was adapting to tell a completely irrelevant story with a character that doesn't exist in the series. Most fans of the series have turned away, where somehow it picked up an audience and that blindly sees the sequels. It's actually pretty insulting to the current series of games that desperately are trying to stay relevant to the populous. The fact that this film is still churning out terrible money-making sequels prevents it from being the top of the list. 

Don't worry, Jim Carrey will
do something funny to save us...

4) How The Grinch Stole Christmas (2000) - Ron Howard won an Oscar for a Beautiful Mind and is one of Hollywood's top directors with Splash, The Da Vinci Code, Frost/Nixon, Ransom, Backdraft and Willow to name a few. That said, this is probably Howard's worst film. Adapted from the 22 minute short film (already adapted from the Dr. Seuss short story), Jim Carrey took the role of the Grinch and the spoke freely without rhyme for the most part. The Grinch was given one of the worst backstories of all time- as he was shunned for giving himself a terrible haircut in an attempt to impress Martha May Whovier (Christine Baranski) and while Augustus Maywho (Jeffrey Tambor) taunts him. This film reeked of "Jim Carrey's comedic style will save us", but sadly the movie was not funny or entertaining, yet is considered a holiday classic. Still don't know how, but how did Twilight make 5 movies? Don't know how that happened either.

Almost everyone's career
was ruined by Street Fighter.

3) Street Fighter (1994) - Video games have not been adapted well to the screen (see Why Video Game Movies Haven't Worked) and Street Fighter is the quintessential example of this. With Belgian Jean-Claude Van Damme as America's William F. Guile and Raul Julia as General M. Bison, this film couldn't have been saved if Ming-Na and Kylie Minogue started going at it in the middle of the movie...as in the entire SECOND ACT! It received a rating of 3.7 on IMDb and was so poorly received that no sequel was attempted and the equally awful arcade game was shelved before it made it to consoles. This movie was so weak that it wasn't even mentioned in Raul Julia's epitaph a few months later. Perhaps he died just to get away from the reviews of the film. 

Paul WS Anderson kills three franchises
with this remarkably bad 2004 piece
of dreck.

2) Alien vs. Predator (2004) - Paul W.S. Anderson makes the list again! How this guy continues to make movies baffles Michael Bay. Anderson's hack job on Resident Evil was awful, but RE looks Oscar worthy compared to this piece of crap. Set in Antarctica, AVP (the more stylish title) had humans exploring an ancient temple where the Predators trained their young ones by sacrificing humans to become aliens as right of passage. This goes against the Predator's code that they don't kill unarmed people, but that's another story... I guess. Eventually the spanish archeologist with a terrible accent (get used to that as a reference) deduced that the humans worshiped the Predators to keep the evil inside the temple that the Predators put there. Also, this film makes you root for one of the hated/beloved creatures and gives the audience a "stalemate" ending which is just... well stale. Eventually, AVPR (Aliens vs Predator Requiem) was released a few years later. The film did better with it's tone, but as a sequel to this sad adaptation produced a lackluster sequel. Though left open for another segment, there are no plans for another addition. It even was ignored in a prequel sense. Lance Hendrickson starred as Charles Bishop Weyland, intended to connect the dots to the Weyland company that produced the Bishop android in Aliens. In 2012's Prometheus, Guy Pierce played the owner of the Weyland company, Peter Weyland. The two roles had one thing in common: they both were over-zealous and met their demise from an alien creature.     

So bad that no one wants,
the sequel to come out.

1) G I Joe (2009) - Hasbro established themselves as a production company after Transformers was a success, but G.I. Joe was to solidify their budding company. Starring Channing Tatum (yes, he's awful), Sienna Miller, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Rachel Nicholos and Marlon Wayans, the film (helmed by the Mummy director Stephen Sommers) was putrid to say the least. The military strongholds of both sides were penetrated faster than a date with a Jersey Shore girl. Also, it's story was as weak as the Scottish accent of Christopher Eccelston's Destro (which may be real and even scarier). This film end quickly, poorly with a twist that no cared about. It was so bad that Channing Tatum's Duke is rumored to be killed in the sequel G.I. Joe: Retaliation that has already been pushed back TWICE to March of 2013. The film's stars are nowhere to be found in the sequel (ditto for Sommers) with only Snake Eyes Ray Park returning. Not to say this film series had potential post-9/11, but whatever it had is all but gone and Hasbro finds themselves desperately asking Bruce Willis, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson and Ray Stevenson to save it.

There's my list I couple compile. If I left anything out, let me know in the comments.

Zemeckis Takes Flight Again

Flight opened Nov. 5th.

For more than two decades, Robert Zemeckis was at the top of Hollywood's list for top directors. In the 80's, Zemeckis churned out two MEGA-hits (Back to the Future and Who Framed Roger Rabbit?), but the 90's featured several different shades of the talented director. In the early 90's Zemeckis directed the conclusion of the Back to the Future series along with the special effects driven Death Becomes Her. In 1994, he directed the unforgettable Forrest Gump, which was a major departure from Zemeckis' heavily special effects films. In this character driven film over four decades, his only special effects were including past US presidents interacting with Tom Hanks. Zemeckis turned his attention to sci-fi poorly received Contact before trying is hand in the haunted film What Lies Beneath, before 2000's Castaway and another Oscar nomination. However, Zemeckis turned away from live action for a while with Polar Express, A Christmas Carol and Beowulf, using the live-action style of animation. After twelve years of absence, he's back with Flight.

Once again, critics are raving about
Denzel Washington's performance.

Flight is about an alcoholic, drug addicted pilot Whip Whitaker (Denzel Washington) that is a family man and takes his usual “pre-flight” prep the night before a flight he would never forget. When a mechanical failure occurs, Whip uses an unconventional method to land it. When he escapes with minimal damage and casualties, he's presented as a hero. Unfortunately, when his drug screen comes back, he is in a lot of hot water and could go to jail for life. With other very talented actors in this well-written character piece like Don Cheadle and John Goodman, Zemeckis was set up nicely considering his last film used just Tom Hanks, Helen Hunt and Chris Noth.

Robert Zemeckis directs Tom Hanks
in 2000's Castaway.

So far, critics have given Flight rave revues and it's likely to find it's way on many “year's best” lists, but the bottom line is that one of Hollywood's top directors are back where he belongs; making top quality live action movies. As the pool of directors become less talented and more about quick camera moves, having Zemeckis back in the fray will only make movie goers pleased and critics delighted.

Console to Screen: Arkham Asylum/City

Arkham City won many awards
and the hearts of gamers in 2011.

Stop me if you've heard this before: an iconic comic book franchise is rebooted for a new series to tap into new stories and reach new audiences. If you don't believe me, look no further than this summer when audiences shelled out millions of dollars to see Mark Webb's reboot of The Amazing Spider-Man and the record-breaking conclusion of Christopher Nolan's Dark Knight saga. BOTH films were reboots of record breaking franchises, but now that Marvel pulled off The Avengers, DC will want to duplicate Marvel's business plan to make a Justice League movie. Now DC already has a reboot of Superman (the second try), Green Lantern's fate being mulled, a Flash script sold and a Wonder Woman movie in the works, only one question remains: What to do with Batman? Nolan and Christian Bale will not be involved so do they reboot this blockbuster franchise? 

If so, DC doesn't need to look further than the one platform they have a clear edge over Marvel- video games. Arkham Asylum/City has captivated gamers for the last four years and was a runaway success last year. Based off their popular comics and using voice acting from the 90's TV series, developer RockSteady came up two Games of the Year. If this was to translate to the big screen, how could they do it?

Story:

Every Batman villain is in Arkham City,
including Mr. Freeze.

The initial story of Arkham Asylum was the longest night in Batman's life. He brings the Joker back to Arkham, but the Joker surrendered too easily. At an opportune moment, the Joker springs himself loose and takes control of the Asylum where he sets free all of the Batman villains (Killer Croc, Scarecrow, Bane and Poison Ivy). As a result, Batman tries to quell the revolt while finding out that one of the doctors was in alliance with the Joker in an experiment called Titan. Titan was honing the Venom from Bane and would create more like him without the tubes regulating the Venom. The key point of the story happens at the end when the Joker injects himself with Titan and becomes a monster, but after Batman defeats him, complications arise that extend to Arkham City. In a secret room in the Warden's office, you see that the Warden has plans from Arkham City- an section of Gotham used to house the criminals.

Absent from Arkham Asylum, The
Penguin makes a huge imprint in
Arkham City.

In Arkham City, there's another villain to deal with: Hugo Strange. Strange creates Arkham City where Bruce Wayne is captured and Strange reveals that he knows Wayne is Batman. Wayne escapes from Strange's grasp and gets his Batman outfit sent to him. As he travels through Arkham City, Batman encounters all of his villains- and I mean all- as they fight for control of their territory in Arkham City. After hearing about Protocol 10 from Strange, Batman investigates, but is sidetracked by a dying Joker who injects Batman with some of his corrosive blood. Now Batman must solve the mystery of Protocol 10 as well as finding a cure for himself and the Joker. Batman encounters all the great villains this time around: Penguin (the grittiest version to date), Two-Face, Clayface, Ra's & Talia Al Guhl and Mr. Freeze. Batman ends up defeating Strange and learning of a conspiracy with another inmate and grabs the cure, but drops what's left of it when he is stabbed by the Joker. Without the remaining cure, the Joker surcomes to the disease and dies. There were also numerous other storylines in this game, but these were the key that drove the game.

Casting:

Who could play Batman now?

Well, who would you have play Batman now? Christian Bale was very good (not great with that stupid voice) and he was exactly what Batman should have been. Clooney and Kilmer had the look, but not the scripts and Keaton's performance cannot be overlooked. In the Arkham games, Kevin Conroy reprised the voice of Bruce Wayne from the 90's Batman: The Animated Series and finding a live version of the character painted here is essential. What current actor could play Batman/Bruce Wayne?

Hugo Strange is a villain that Batman
has not faced on the big screen.

Then there's another matter: with all of the villains in this game, you'd have to consolidate them. Is the public Joker-ed out? You had Heath Ledger win an Oscar, Jack Nicholson be iconic and Mark Hamill draw rave reviews winning character of the year at the Video Game awards. Hamill would be the one person I'd love to see play the Joker for real. It would make you wonder if there are any other Batman villains. If Arkham City is adapted, you could make a full movie solely about Hugo Strange's plans. It would be a welcomed addition to the Batman villains that have been unused in the series. However, find a Strange would be much harder. Think of a cleaner Peter Stormare of Lockout and The Big Lebowski.

What's Already in Place:

Other than a character everyone knows, great villains, a ton of action and several different stories that kept gamers playing for hours... well, there's also a completely different take on Batman that movie goers saw since 2005. This Batman is great as Bruce AND Batman. Wayne is also more involved with other helpers like Oracle (Barbara Gordon in a wheel chair) and Alfred as an even more vocal guiding force that Nolan presented. In fact, Bruce Wayne would never have fired Alfred. Sorry, that's a fact. It also shows Batman having more gadgets than the Nolan series, which featured a ton of them. Aside from the Bat-darts used in Dark Knight Rises, Nolan's gadgets were practical. The Arkham series used the gadgets for purposes and not just to use for a moment. The Remote Electrical Charge and the Distruptor were fantastic weapons that made fans by itself, but the Line Launcher and Explosive Gel were neat.
The music and atmosphere is handled very well. Arkham Asylum/City immersed the gamer in Batman's world by including every nick-nack like stories about the Ratcatcher and Maxi Zeus. Every villain carved out their territory including Killer Croc and every villain was trying to expand their territory with Hugo Strange planning something more devious. The game amazed everyone (including this Marvel-over-DC-fan), but can it be flushed out.

Who Could Pull This Off:
In 2002, did anyone this that Christopher Nolan was the right choice coming off Insomnia and Memento? I did, but who knew of him outside film buffs? There were some that weren't sure about Nolan after Batman Begins, but now the mere mention of his name on IMDb is to among the greatest movies ever made. (Overrated in my opinion, but I'm still a fan of his.) How do you reboot that franchise? Make it something different. Now I'm not saying go the Schumacher route, but find a presentation closer to Arkham City or the 90's animated series. Perhaps a capable action movie director like the Bourne Identity's Doug Lyman or Taken's Luc Besson would work.

Bottom Line:

Aren't we "Joker-ed Out", but how do you tell this story without him?

The major problem with BOTH these games is the prominent villains are the Joker and Ra's Al Guhl, who were thoroughly covered by the Nolan Batmans. It's incredibly difficult to adapt these games without them both, even with strong side stories featuring TwoFace, the Penguin, Victor Zsaz, the Madhatter and even Hush. You can't cut out the Joker's or Guhl's story and get it to work. It is possible to minimize them, but will that hurt the story? Hard to say, but if Warner Bros wants to release a Justice League, they'll have to reboot Batman some how. This could be a good base if handled correctly.

Will Wreck-It Ralph Be Video Games Toy Story?

Wreck-It Ralph premieres
November 2nd

In the mid-1990's, Pixar Studios and the Walt Disney Company showed the world what life was life for toys when their owners weren't paying attention. As the film created a franchise with two more sequels, it's premise was fully explored from getting a new owner to the realization that you're just a toy for a child to play with. This years, Disney (who has their own computer animated division) will release Wreck-It Ralph, a story about a video game villain in a local arcade game that simply doesn't want to be the villain anymore. Will this film create a Toy Story-like world for video games?

There a support group for everyone, including
video game villains. Ganondorf couldn't attend.

The story is simple enough; a bad guy in an arcade game that always has to destroy a building before the players can stop him. The game is called Fix-It Felix, which is a cross between Rampage and ummm...the opposite of Rampage. The bad guy -Wreck-it Ralph (John C. Reilly)- tries to wreck the building as the player tries to fix it. Eventually, we see what life is like inside the game. Ralph attends the bad guy support group called Bad-Anon with other famed video game villains like Bowser (Super Mario Brothers), M. Bison and Zangief (Street Fighter), Kano (Mortal Kombat), Dr. Robotnik (Sonic the Hedgehog), ghost from PacMan and random zombies. At the end of the session, they conclude with a bad guy affirmation and take their unhappy days "one game at a time". Ralph ends up leaving the game and jumps to others to find his new role in life. Stepping from Hero's Duty to Sugar Rush, where he meets a plucky little glitch named Vanellope (Sarah Silverman). In that time, the threat grows as the outside world pulling the plug on a game that doesn't have it's villain. The basis of the role is finding your role in the world and finding out your importance to it.

John C. Reilly lends his charm
to the title character.

Flanked by charismatic actors (Jane Lynch, Denis Haysbert and Jack McBrayer) lending their voices to the project, Wreck-It Ralph is likely to have plenty of life in it. However, video games never attempted a Toy Story-like approach. Sure this isn't quite the same as the world of toys when they're owners turn their heads, but Disney's blueprint (along with Pixar's help) has proven to be successful overall. Sometimes they pour on a little too much heart and get sappy, but Disney hasn't had the Toy Story success without Pixar's help. Since branching off with their own computer animated division unit, Disney's biggest success has come from their Pixar collaborations. With a little luck, Wreck-It Ralph has plenty to build on.

Note: Fix-It Felix is available on your cellphone app store.